Challenges faced by Indian women in their families.

It would not be wrong to say that we women face challenges right from birth. Oh, my bad, somewhat we can correct it by saying women start facing discrimination from the point of time they are in their mothers’ womb.

Challenges faced by Indian women in their own families

Surprised???? Please hold on, let me remind you. In most families when a lady gets pregnant, her in-laws and relatives expect Lalla/babua/naati/pota/beta/Ghar ka Chirag– these are the local names given to the child inside the womb(which we call a baby boy in English). Don’t you think it is one of the challenges for women from the very beginning of the naive soul?

Sometimes, I feel disgusted when someone asks me, “when will you have your second baby(indirectly, it means when will I give birth to a male child)”? It hurts me deeply when I see people around me discriminating against infants based on gender.

And it is more painful when this discrimination comes from the side of a woman, who is herself a female. How can a creator discriminate between her two creations? Not only painful, but this is also actually shameful.

I am blessed with a baby girl, and I never compare my doll with a baby boy. She means the world to me, and to call her just like a son will make her feel insulted. And this partiality in the lives of girls continues from their births to their deaths.

Through this article, I want to make you aware of the discrimination we women face, but sometimes it feels so typical in our day-to-day life that we ignore it. So be prepared to feel the pain because of the discrimination which we have felt for ages.


1.Girls are not allowed to speak louder.

After the discrimination faced by us when we were not even in this world, this is another challenge that we women face at our own house. Yes, those girls who speak louder are not considered Sanskari(cultured). Women are taught to be soft-spoken and also to talk less.

Now, I want to question you all- “Have you seen anyone in your family ever teaching a boy to speak less or softly?” I can bet you must not have seen. Boys who speak less or are polite are generally considered dumb. To be manly, boys should be louder.

Boys are thought to have control over situations, but why not girls? Think about it, is it not a method to oppress women to make them weak compared to men? This act of discrimination becomes one of the toughest challenges for women.


2.Girls should learn to cook before marriage.

This act of discrimination makes me angry and laugh at the same time. Are women going to become a chef after marriage? I am not saying that we should not learn to cook food, but this should apply to both men and women.

We all should learn cooking to feed ourselves when we have no other option left. But why are boys not taught to learn cooking before marriage? Most boys know to cook in today’s times, but why parents never bother about their cooking skills before boys get married?

Are women born only for the kitchen? No, not. After marriage, cooking should be a mutual work for both husband and wife or whoever has more leisure time. Relationships are based on mutual understanding, not forceful impositions.

Rather than teaching daughters to learn cooking, mothers should teach their daughters to earn sufficient. So that even a daughter who does not know cooking can hire someone to cook for her.

3.Girls are Paraya Dhan/other’s property.

Really??? Are women materials? Whenever anyone asks us-“Where is your native?” They expect to hear the name of our husband’s hometown. This case has happened to me many times.

When someone asks me this question, my answer is Muzaffarpur-that is my hometown(my parents live there). But the one who has questioned thinks that Muzaffarpur is my in-law’s place. This creates confusion, and then I have to explain it.

But here my question is- Why girls can’t call their parents’ home their own home after marriage? The reason is the mentality that we are other’s property after marriage.

I heard someone saying that a girl should forget her parents and their house after her marriage. She should be involved in her in-law’s house. Her prime responsibility is to take care of her new home. But what about the attachment and love which she has got for the years from her parents? Answer me in the comments if you have a satisfying answer to my question.


4.Fair girls look beautiful.

This is one of the most common differences which we women face in our own families. Can we compare two skin tones? To look beautiful means only to have blessed with a very fair skin tone, is that really true?

We Indians forget that we are wheatish, and this is one of the most beautiful skin tones. And frankly speaking, beauty in our eyes, not in colors. But it is the saddest fact of our society that girls are compared based on their skin tones. It is one of those challenges which women face in their family itself.

If you are an Indian, you must have heard your parents discussing beauty parameters for a girl. The girl who is tall and fair is probably the one who will get a good groom. And this is so sensitive matter that hurts many of us from the inside. We grow up in families where two sisters are compared.

I wouldn’t say I like comparisons. How can we compare two different humans who are having two different personalities? This beauty comparison is very rare in boys, but in the case of girls, it is prevalent.

5.Girls are taught to tolerate.

My sister is going to get married very soon. I have often heard my family members teaching her- “Beta naak uncha rakhna hum logo ka(means behave properly at your in-law’s place so that we can feel proud about you).” This is, in fact, excellent teaching from a father or a mother to their daughter.

girls-are-taught-to-tolerate

But sometimes I wonder, is this possible that a boy is being taught in the same way? Have you heard your mother teaching your brother the same way she teaches you? This feels ridiculous sometimes.

My sister one day behaved so rudely that I was shocked by her behavior. But when she shared her feelings with me, I was speechless.

She questioned me I am decent so that I will behave decently, but why these teachings are only for me, Didi? Why my parents’ pride will be affected because of my mood swings? The day I realized it was the hidden question that I always wanted to ask.

Final words

So these are a few of the discriminations and challenges which we all women face in our own families. Sometimes we neglect it, sometimes accept it. But we are never able to revolt against these. We are living in new India; we want equality. But for this to happen, we need to change the mentality of the patriarchal society where we live.

We need to change the patriarchal mentality of our families first. Women are not beggars; we want our rights, which mother nature has given us. God has given us the position of creators, but women are discriminated against men in their own families.

The outside world will never respect us until we get equal treatment in our homes. No girl will be set to fire if she receives a strong upbringing. Only the weak are harassed; we should make our girls bold from inside as well as outside. See you all in my next post. Till then, take care.

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6 thoughts on “Challenges faced by Indian women in their families.”

  1. Hello Shubha di,

    Very well articulated article, it’s hard to expect something written more factual, truth specific and highly relevant on such grave topic.

    Yet my parents never differentiated between me and my brother. Showered love and blessings equally but still the impact can be seen in social taboos being a girl.
    For women in India, it’s a destiny predicted on the birth itself.
    But the world is changing, people are changing…. Something better is to be happened.

    Best Regards,
    Raksha Kumawat

    Reply
  2. Hi Shubha,

    Wow…I didn’t know this still existed. Just the thought of being someone’s “property” for me would be horrid. I would be like a wild horse if I had to speak softly and be part of my in-law’s family.
    Indeed, society has to change, and I believe it will but it takes time.
    Thanks so much for sharing this.
    -Donna

    Reply

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